Learn to stand up for yourself
Learn to stand up for yourself
I’m good at standing up for others yet falter when it comes to standing up for myself. I lack personal courage and that concerns me on three levels: 1) I’ll never get where I want to go in my career unless I’m willing to speak up for myself; 2) my reluctance sends a message that I don’t trust myself to be good enough; and 3) if I want to be a coach and mentor to others, I need to be a role model. Not just a model of caring and protection, but one of strong and effective leadership. What do you think I should do?
Celebrate good news: You’re self aware. You acknowledge your concerns and are focused on the benefits that can come from changing your behavior. You know the answers to the question you’ve asked. What do you think you should do to achieve what you say you want? Begin with your primary issue: Why don’t you stand up for yourself?
I’ve given that a lot of thought. My hunch is that I want others to stand up for me the same way that I stand up for them. I make basic assumptions that everyone thinks as I think and would therefore do as I do. As you might imagine, I’m often disappointed at the result.
Do you have examples of times you’ve backed away instead of stepping up, times when you could have been more forthright about an opinion or position?
Performance reviews state that I am highly regarded by my peers and superiors; my direct reports tell me they’re surprised I haven’t gotten the promotions that others with less talent have attained. I’d like to say that I’m surprised, but that wouldn’t be true. I’m disappointed, not surprised. In a perfect world my hard work would be rewarded and I would be offered promotions based upon my proven performance.
Colleagues who are getting ahead are positioning themselves for advancement. They’re prepared for meetings, make solid presentations to senior management, know when to challenge and when to stand down. They attend business/social gatherings and talk up their initiatives with the company’s leadership. I do my best to avoid these events and when I attend, I arrive late, leave early, and listen more than I speak. I don’t seek opportunities to present to management; I don’t speak up in meetings unless asked a direct question and even then I’ve been known to play it safe.
So what do I need to do differently? Stop playing it safe. I need to play the game as it is, not as I wish it would be. I’m afraid of risk. I’m letting fear hold me back and if I’m honest about it, it’s holding back my direct reports as well. What are examples of risks you’re willing to take?
The biggest risk for me is to operate outside my comfort zone. I don’t like business social gatherings. They wear me out because I’m not good at small talk. If I attend each one with clear objectives in mind, as I would business meetings, I’ll do just fine. I’ll take that risk.
Next, I’ll speak up in meetings and start making presentations to the senior team. To do that, I’ll need to get feedback from my boss and other upper levels who know what the execs are looking for. I’ll need to practice answering tough questions that come at me fast. I can do that. I’ll take that risk.
I’ll stop protecting people, myself included. My direct reports are strong, capable professionals who can take care of themselves. What they expect from me and what I owe them is courageous leadership. That’s a risk worth taking.Joyce Richman is a speaker and career coach conducting seminars and workshops throughout the United States, and the author of "Roads, Routes & Ruts: A Guidebook for Career Success." You can reach her at 288-1799 or JERichman@aol.com. Watch Joyce Richman's latest career advice Wednesdays at 6:35 a.m. during "The Good Morning Show" on WFMY News 2 or visit http://www.digtriad.com/business/columnists/career_minute/
