Things not always as they appear
Things not always as they appear
The following questions remind me of the aphorism, "We see the world, not as it is, but as we are," which was popularized by Stephen R. Covey in his book, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People."
Q: I'm a Yankee. I'd like to move south for a milder climate and better work-life balance. Friends of mine have had bad experiences in the South, saying the people there aren't accepting of northern behaviors. What's your reaction? Do you think I should "come on down?"
A: Most people here are like most people everywhere: We want to include and be included, appreciate and be appreciated, respect and be respected. We don't want our space invaded or our opinions disregarded. We prefer to tell, not be told; and if we're asked for help or are asking for assistance, we like to respond and be responded to quickly, responsibly and politely.
When moving from what you know to what is unknown to you, suspend belief that your ways are the right and only ways to behave. Instead, give yourself time to understand the unique character and culture of the place you're transitioning to, and instead of trying to change it into a copy of you and what is familiar to you, learn from it and contribute to it.
Q: I'm a direct, no-nonsense kind of person who likes to tell it like it is. My boss tells me that he appreciates my brand of communication, but my colleagues don't and I need to tone it down. My feeling is that my peers ought to toughen up. What do you think?
A: I think you're working in an office where your "straight talk" is making everyone uncomfortable, your boss included. Given that you prefer to address issues when they occur, take those conversations offline. And when you do, be mindful that employees don't want to get critical feedback from co-workers unless they've invited it and it's coming from individuals with whom they have mutually respectful and trusting relationships.
Q: I've been told that I have a sense of humor that can put people off. I also know that some people love it. I'm going into a new job that gives me an opportunity to present myself differently. I could stow my humor and bore myself and others to tears, or continue what makes me happy: making (some) people laugh. Any ideas?
A: I assume you work in the non-entertainment side of business and you're paid to create top-line or bottom-line results. When humor is at the expense of others and results in oppositional thinking, it's more self-serving than beneficial. If it enables co-workers to relate more easily, diffuses possible conflict and creates potential for out-of-box thinking, you're adding value. Go for it.
Q: I giggle. I'm a grown woman and I giggle. I don't think there's anything wrong with that but apparently my boss does since he's told me that it is unprofessional and I need to stop. Is this his problem or mine?
A: It sounds like he's made his problem your problem. Rather than draw conclusions, assume motivation or assess blame, ask what he finds unprofessional or offensive about the way you express yourself. And ask how he would prefer that you conduct yourself. There's probably something more that's going on than you're aware.
The bottom line: There's a gap between how we see ourselves and how others see us. The only way to close that gap is to become aware of what exists within it. What we perceive as our greatest strengths can be what others find most problematic. Conversely, what we value least in ourselves can be what others value most.
Joyce Richman is a career coach conducting seminars and workshops throughout the United States, and the author of “Roads, Routes & Ruts: A Guidebook for Career Success.” You can reach her at 288-1799 or JERichman@aol.com. Watch Richman’s latest career advice Wednesdays at 6:35 a.m. during “The Good Morning Show” on WFMY News 2 at http://www.digtriad.com/business/columnists/career_minute/ also You can find this column online at TriadCareers.com. Click on “News & Tips.”
