Richman: Don’t let fear take you down
Richman: Don’t let fear take you down
If you only focus on where you’ve been and what you’ve left behind, you won’t see what lies ahead.
Here’s a composite example:
All she could talk about was how stuck she was. She and her business, both successful, had slowed, then grinded to a stop.
“My customers once had money to throw around and they loved to throw it my way,” she wailed. “I had a high-end business and my clients didn’t have to worry about where the next buck was coming from. Now they’re either broke or think they are and want nothing to do with me. I’ve not only lost my clientele, I’ve lost my social network and my social standing. I call these people and no one answers. I leave messages and no one returns my calls. I don’t know if it’s me or it’s them, but it’s all I can do to drag myself to work in the morning.”
She has every reason to be concerned and to vent about an economy that has drained the joy and the cash out of what she does and who she believes herself to be. That doesn’t mean she needs to sit atop that vent until it draws her into a place that’s hard to escape.
What can she, and you, do to shift focus from your rearview mirror and what’s quickly receding from sight, to what lies ahead?
“I can’t do anything. That’s it. End of story,” she said.
No, that’s just the end of that chapter, but your story is much bigger than one chapter. Tell me about you.
“What’s to tell? I’m 51 years old. I have three kids and four grandchildren and no husband. I travel, which I love, and I entertain, which I love even more. I have friends who love to be with me because I make them laugh.”
With that, she let out a hearty, delighted laugh, as though remembering something wonderful. I asked her to describe the occasion. Her eyes brightened and she smiled softly, reflectively, as she told a story that was full of life and exuberance. The tension that had seemed to define her fell away, and she relaxed. She was back in balance.
“What do I need to do?” she asked. “I’m ready.”
The lesson: When stress overtakes you, emotions rule and emotions want you to survive. What you fear most (and can’t control) rises up to take you down. The feeling is so real and so frightening that your primal response to it is fight or flight. As a result, you think too little and behave too much. None of those dreadful things are going to happen to you, but your emotions don’t know that. They want to save you.
When reason overrules emotion, you think before acting and move as though stuck in mud. The act of putting one foot before the other is exhausting as you inch forward, eyes down, taking care to not stumble and fall.
When you’re confronted by change you don’t expect, adapt by allowing your emotions to inform reason and reason to manage your emotions. Once you’re in balance you’ll begin to see the road forward and the possibilities that lie ahead.
Joyce Richman is a speaker and career coach conducting seminars and workshops throughout the United States, and the author of “Roads, Routes & Ruts: A Guidebook for Career Success.” You can reach her at 288-1799 or JERichman@aol.com. Watch Richman’s latest career advice Wednesdays at 6:35 a.m. during “The Good Morning Show” on WFMY News 2. You can find this column online by visiting TriadCareers.com and clicking on “News & Tips.”
